Teaser

     FRODO SEVEN

       on location 

     in Austin

HAPPY HALLOWEEN from a couple of hippies, a china doll, saints Kateri and Rose, a little ladybug and the prettiest princess in the world.....

Say What You Need To Say

I recently received sad news about a family that is tangentially connected to ours--my brother's godparents' son's wife's sister (did you catch all of that) and her husband were killed in a car accident last week.  They left behind four daughters ages 13, 9, 3 and 18 months.  Tara was the one who told me about it and she and I talked about our own preparations--or lack there of--for such an event in our own lives.

Life and all of the good things in it like health and material possessions are so fragile.  St. Ignatius of Loyola taught that we should be as ready to accept sickness as health, poverty as riches and a short life as a long life.  What a difficult thing.  It's so much easier to praise and love God when things are going my way.  How do I approach Him when a terrible tragedy occurs like the one I mentioned?  Where was He when those children were orphaned?  And why did it happen?  Why that family?  Why?  Why?  Why? 

I have no answers.  I pray for the strength to be able to approach the Lord the way St. Ignatius did--completely open to His will for me, trusting in Him the way a child does her father and needing His love that sustains more than answers.  

That said, last week's tragedy was a big reminder to me to "say what you need to say"--today-- because there may not be any more tomorrows.  I urge you in these days leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas to "say what you need to say" too.  Say "thank you" and "please forgive me".  Say "I love you."  And please say a prayer for the Merrill family and those poor little girls.

First Love

The girls and I spent a good bit of yesterday afternoon at my friend Kim's house.  I'm always amazed at how well her boys and our girls play together.  They zoomed around on scooters and riding toys, climbed trees, had light saber battles and then headed indoors for fun in their playroom.  Elliot, Kim's shy first grader, gave Mia a gift he'd made her with his mom's help.  It is Mia's first gift of its kind--a token of young love.  She tells me he also made her a green light saber while we were there, presumably so that she can keep him company while defending the galaxy.  It's all so sweet and innocent, it makes me smile.  And, if I like all of the boys who come to call on our girls as much as I like Elliot, I'll be one happy mama.

A little purse just for Mia.

Elliot picked the fabric and helped put it together.

Fall Festival Número Dos

Who's your Mummy?

We spent Sunday (and a good bit of cash) at Madeleine's fall festival.  I remember in detail all of the fun we had at last year's and can't quite believe it's been a whole year since then.  My profile photo for Frodo Seven was taken there though and Ella at least has changed a lot.  

The pictures tell the story of our day.  Fun, fun, fun all around.  I wonder--will we be back next year after Madeleine graduates or was this our last hurrah? 

Rock Climbing

When I was teaching middle school, my best buddy and fellow teacher was a big rock climber and I would occasionally join her at the climbing gym to scale a few fake rocks.  I loved it and Chris and I would definitely take up the sport if we ever had the opportunity.

Grace wanted another try but the wall closed before we came back.

I know she'll fly to the top next time!

I was so proud of Mia.  She worked and worked the problem until she found a way to the top.

What tenacity!

"Father Michael on the drums"

He sang too and was really good.

Grandpa in munchkin land

Working the confetti eggs

"Bend down Mama"

(Last time I fall for that one :)

Petting Zoo and Pony Rides

Daddy and Ella

photo by Grace

Choo choo

Sophie's favorite scarecrow

Face Painting

The rainbow connection

Coming Soon:  Parade of Cuteness or Halloween with Frodo Seven

In Her Own Words

One of the things I love about the first family God gave me is that we are, for the most part, a family of runners.  My Dad was a runner.  I used to love my runs with him.  My favorite Dad quote about running is: "it's like hitting your hand with a hammer--it feels so good when you stop".  My brothers were both track stars and are now p90X grads, Tara is a marathoner and I'm the caboose of the bunch, running along at the rear (sometimes behind a Chick Fil-A cow).  Once I even "brought it" with my little sis' Jamie when we finished a 5K dead last--together.  I wish I had a picture of that.

So, Tara left a comment on yesterday's laudatory post giving a run down of the race.  I thought it was great so here it is--the 2009 Marine Corps Marathon in her words:

"Tara is "bringing it" all the way to Boston where we will all gather in April to drink a pint in her honor." Hmmm... it'll be hard to run with all that pressure on my shoulders. ;) Just kidding, thanks for the nice post. I'm not sure if Philly is going to be my race, but I plan to leave it out there nonetheless. 

I loved the Marine Corps marathon this time around. Since I wasn't racing the marathon, I was able to really relax and take in the sites of the race that I always miss in my race induced misery when I'm running hard. The sites in DC were beautiful and the crowd support was great. My friend made a shirt with her name on it and it always made me smile when people yelled for her. It's actually just kind of amazing, how complete strangers come together and encourage each other and really want one another to succeed during a marathon. The signs that people brought down were amusing and I laughed out loud a few times. I wish I could remember all of them or had taken pictures, but I was, well, running. There was one that said, "Sweat is sexy" to which my friend responded, "Well, then I got a WHOLE LOT of sexy going on right now." I also remember passing a girl holding a sign that said, "If it were easy, I would do it!" That made me smile too.

I also loved running with someone else. I always kind of wondered why pacers did it. You don't get paid to be a pacer and the thought of running 26.2 miles basically for other people, strangers, didn't make sense to my competitive self. I always want to go out and run best times each time I run. (I don't, but I'm competitive like that.) But running with my friend, helping her finish with a new PR 18 minutes under her last one, encouraging her through the last few miles when I know she wanted to stop, having her tell me she hated me, it was all amazing. I felt such pride crossing the finish line. It might not have been my best time, but it was much more fulfilling than most of my other races. And when I got an email from her later thanking me, it really made me understand why people sign up to be pacers. I could definitely see something like that in my future.

Anyway, there is the marathon run down. It was a fantastic experience and really got me excited for my marathon in a few weeks. I don't know if I'll make Boston, but I'm sure going to enjoy a nice big Philly cheese steak after the race. :)

OCTOBER 27, 2009 12:11 PM

Stud Muff-ina

How many people do you know who run marathons as training runs?  That's what my little sis' Tara did yesterday.  A friend in her running group wanted someone to run the Marine Corps Marathon with, another friend was injured and couldn't use his bib and Tara needed to run 20+ miles anyway.  Under sunny skies, she and her friend ran 26.2 through the nation's capital arriving at the Iwa Jima memorial at four hours, forty eight minutes--quite a bit slower than she will run the Philadelphia Marathon in November.  Tara is "bringing it" all the way to Boston where we will all gather in April to drink a pint in her honor.  I think Tony would approve.

I am so proud of you, T!

"Fit as a fiddle and gorgeous too--that lucky Lawrence Lauderdale"

An Announcement

As many of you know, Chris and I have been debating the question "to move or not to move" for a long time.  Before we went back to Virginia this summer, we had mostly settled on staying in Texas.  After spending over a month with extended family in the most beautiful state in the union (I haven't actually seen survey data on this), we started to reconsider.

Back and forth we've gone.  Move to Virginia or move to another, bigger, house here.  Chris even bought me a notepad with "pros" on one side and "cons" on the other.  In the end though, it came down to gut feelings and we have decided to not only stay here but to stay in our house.  Yay!  I love our house--small and quirky as it is, it holds many memories and is truly a home.  I like that we don't take up any more space than we absolutely need--our contribution to saving the planet.  I also honestly didn't feel ready to take on the responsibility of a bigger house and will enjoy working to improve ours.  Finally, the decision to put ourselves in a holding pattern means that we can wait and see how things go with our extended family and our Catholic homeschooling group and evaluate whether this area will work for us over the long haul.   

So, in the coming months, we will be finishing some projects we've thought of doing but haven't because we thought we'd be moving.  And although we'll continue to be without our own pool, we may put in a hot tub--and buy a margarita machine?  Who knows.  For the next year or two or three though, one thing we can say is "there's no place for us like Casa Doyle!"

Fall Festival #1

Yesterday was our parish's annual fall festival.  It gets a little bigger every year.  I was impressed with the biblical themes of the games--things like "Fishers of Men".  Today, we are headed to the festival at Madeleine's school.  So, more photos to come.

Swords and scabbards

Chris is reconsidering his vocation 

and thinks this one might be easier

On another subject--we hosted our TEAMS group Friday night.  I went to one of my staples--lasagna--but added mushrooms and spinach and overloaded each layer.  It was a hit--as was my friend Jane's Dump Cake.

Coming soon to Casa Doyle--our second TEAMS game night!  Losers will karaoke to show tunes.  I'm hoping the men are doing some singing in the shower to get ready!

Mia made place cards

I love setting the table.  Mostly the kids do it but Friday I took a lot of time 

to make it as pretty as possible.

Reunited

No place like home

Chris is just back from ten days away.  We are thrilled--and guess what?  He brought Carl the chicken with him (more on that later).  I wrote the following post a few days after he left.

 

A special mom I know was recently sharing about the loneliness she experiences as she copes with her husband's long hours and unpredictable work schedule.  She concluded by saying something like, "I know I'm probably codependent but..."  

So, I've been thinking about what she said.  I know what "codependent" means and, in case you're interested, I'm including the wikipedia definition at the bottom of this post.  I think it initially applied to relationships in which one of the partners enabled the other to perpetuate destructive patterns of behavior.  Judging from the way most people use the term now, it has evolved to mean that a person needs someone else too much.  It is a negative term implying dysfunction.

Let's take a close look at the word though--the prefix "co" means "together" and "dependent" means "relying on or requiring the aid of another for support" so taken literally, "codependent" means "relying on each other".  Sounds like a good thing to me, especially if we're talking about marriage.  I think my friend is completely normal to pine for her husband.  Wouldn't it be more alarming if she didn't miss him at all?

I have a confession to make: I am 100% codependent--I very much rely on my husband for many things.  I've been experiencing exactly how much because Chris is on the other side of the world right now and I miss him a lot.  I've heard women say that having kids was like having their hearts go walking around outside their bodies.  That's a beautiful image expressing both vulnerability and a complete dependence on God to care for the ones we love.  And it is exactly the way I feel right now.  My heart is on the other side of the world and I can't wait until it walks safely back through our front door.  Of course, being apart gives me the opportunity to thank God over and over for the gift He gave me in my husband.  I love Chris and our life together.  If something happened to him, I would survive but my life would go from technicolor to black and white and even though I know that God would faithfully hold me in the palm of His hand, I would be longing to rejoin my other half.  Does that make me codependent?  I think so.  I am better with Chris than without him.  We are tied together in this three legged race called life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Because the devil is not creative and can only use what God created to make us fall, he sometimes tries to trick us into thinking that something good is bad or abnormal*.  How many marriages do you know of that are suffering because the partners depend too much on each other?  Perhaps there are some in which the two people stay together simply because they rely on each other to take care of various aspects of life--he does the bills, she does the cooking or vice versa-- but that doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me given the alternative of divorce.

I'm not trying to make light of the serious problem of enabling destructive behavior, I just wanted to point out that God wants us to look outside of ourselves for our worth.  He wants us to look to Him.  So, a behavior that some would label as unhealthy dependency, may actually be a part of relearning something that comes naturally to little children--trust and reliance on another.  

I love you always, C!

*Another example of this is priestly celibacy.  Many people think it is abnormal or unhealthy when it is in fact a very holy calling.  Explaining why that is is a subject for another day.

Codependence is a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship which is regarded as an emotional disorder, and by some as a psychological disease.^[1] In the relationship, the codependent person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as drug addiction.^[2]

In general, the codependent is understood to be a person who perpetuates the addiction or pathological condition of someone close to them in a way that hampers recovery. This can be done through direct control over the dependent, by making excuses for their dysfunctional behavior or relieving them of the consequences of the dependence. This is called enabling, which can have negative social and health consequences for both parties. A codependent may feel shame about, or try to change, their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with those of another person.

Due to the fluid and insidious nature of codependency it can often be found in relationships that are absent of substance abuse among the participants. At it's core, the notion of codependency is the outward expectation of value of worth from other people. It is predicated on a relationship with self that is lacking value or worth, thus people who engage in codependent behaviors (enabling, perfectionism, controlling, dwelling, fretting, focusing) will look outward for that value or worth in order to feel whole. Most certainly it is prominent in intimate and familial relationships, however, for people who live with this frame of reference, strangers, co-workers, and acquaintances can often serve as a mechanism of validation as well.

Artsy, Artsy

Casa Doyle looked a lot like an art studio today.  First, I worked on potato printing with our girls plus my friend Misty's two.  I started by cutting shapes into potato halves but decided to add celery, carrots, broccoli and grapes to the mix.  It was really fun but we were working with paint that I bought back when we lived in Beaumont.  It was goopy and gloppy and didn't cooperate well so the girls ended up using the veggies to spread the paint around willy nilly.  After the artists were finished, I worked with them on writing a formula poem to go with the animal they had painted.  That was a lot of fun.  I went to google to find lists of adjectives and verbs that went with the letters we needed.  All of the poems ended "on my page" and were very cute.  The poets were very proud of themselves.  

Later in the afternoon, my friend Kim came over with her boys.  It was a little wet outside and Kim's oldest, Evan, asked for paper to draw.  Pretty soon they were all back at the table drawing.  Kim's boys are amazing artists.  I expect to see their work for sale someday.  I wonder if I'll get a discount....

Boy art

Girl art

The Mouths of Babes

Grace said something interesting tonight.  She told me she wished we had a genie.  I think she was mostly thinking of the American Girl Doll Catalogue we just received in the mail but she also said that she would ask for "Mommy not to get mad at me".  Hmmm...I guess it was one of those days--the kind where I break out my Mad Mommy Stare more often than usual--you know the one--it's supposed to melt defiance in an instant, silence the whining, restore balance to the force.  Instead, I'm sure it just makes me look ridiculous.  I wanted to tell Grace that she'd get her wish if she would only stop doing things to make Mommy mad but I know that's impossible for her.  About as impossible as it would be for me to shelve the Mad Mommy Stare for good.

I Love These People

So, if my tone seemed a bit angry in my last post, that's because I was...angry.  This weekend though, I spent time with some people that I love, people that give me hope--appropriate since they go with my friend Hope who is Sophie's godmama and my SFAM or, sister from another mother.  Allow me to introduce them to you.

Meet Hope and Ralph.  They are having a moment but if they were available to say hi, they would invite you in, serve you a delicious meal and maybe even give you some eggs, freshly laid by one of their dozen chickens (all named Carl).

They live in this beautiful home not quite in the country somewhere in the Lone Star State

This is their front door.  Isn't it inviting?

They have five beautiful children: Rome, Christian and Sophie 

posing here with Carl the indoor chicken...

...Abby who is possibly Frodo Seven's most faithful follower,

...and Bella, their darling three year old who is just one week older than Sophie.

They have a cat, Flicka,

two dogs,

and lots of chickens--did I mention that they're all named Carl?

Hope fills their lives with beauty

her artwork is a small part of that

the rest?

her presence,

the gift of herself,

to them,

every day,

...of her life.

I love you guys, my Lady Cat friends,

and Ella wants to know--"when can we go back Mama?

I want to pet the doggies."

Well, if nothing else, we'll be back for Ralph's "Egg in the Hole".

Wow--what a breakfast!

Muchas gracias.  Os amamos.  (have Rome translate)