Dying to Live

Our Journal of Gratitude

It's Sunday and I have been giving a lot of thought to today's gospel reading.  One of the things (there are many) that I love about being Catholic is the fact that everywhere in the world, the same readings were read at Mass today.  So, if you are Catholic, you too heard from St. John about dying in order to live (John 12:20-33).  This is one of those paradoxes that I have talked about before on this blog.  I love them in literature but more so when it comes to the faith.  Jesus' words in today's gospel refer to His coming death and resurrection.  They remind us of the fact that, because of Adam's sin, we too must die before obtaining eternal life.  In that sense, I think Jesus' words are literal but we can't stop there.  He is not only talking to His followers about some future death but about dying to self in this present moment.  

What does it mean to die to self?  I think there are a lot of answers to that question--all of them difficult.  I'll just mention one that I've been reflecting on because of things going on in my life right now and that is, giving up the right to be right.  Or, to quote St. Francis, the right to "be understood".  I think most people want to be understood, considered--loved--and when others do things that indicate a lack of understanding or consideration, feelings are hurt.  I know that as long as we are on this side of heaven, hurt feelings will be a part of life.  We are fallen, fallible people.  We may cry out, "I have a right to feel hurt, be angry--whatever" and that is true.  Feelings are feelings.  Mostly, they happen to us but, we choose our response.  (If you doubt that truth, read the story of Victor Frankl, survivor of the Holocaust).  No one has the right to fight fire with fire, lash out--either actively or passively--or in any way destroy another person*.  Jesus showed us how we should respond to attacks on ourselves if we are to be His disciples.  "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."  If we choose to do otherwise, whatever the reason, we are like those Jesus referred to who will cry "Lord, Lord" at the last judgement.  He will not know them because they did not do His father's will (Matthew 7:21).

So what do we do when we are feeling attacked, disregarded or unloved?  What do we do when we know we're right?  I don't think it's enough to say that we won't lash out, fight back or defend ourselves.  I am reminded of the parable where the woman swept her house clean after evil spirits were driven out.  It was so clean that many more evil spirits moved in (Luke 11:24-26).  It is important to actively fill up with goodness.  We must arm ourselves for the fight against self-love and I think a good weapon to start with is gratitude.  I have a sister-in-law who constantly practices an attitude of gratitude.  With her, it is not about how much others have but about what she has and is grateful for.  It would be hard to hate a person while listing in your mind all of the things you are grateful for about him or praying to God in thanksgiving for the gift of him.  

This week, Chris and I are starting a family journal of gratitude.  At our evening prayer time, we will be writing down what each member of our family is thankful for.  We are hoping to teach our kids--and ourselves-- to thank God for each other and for our family and to cherish it.  We want to put the focus on Him rather than on ourselves.  I'll let you know how it goes.

*I am not talking about our legitimate right (as individuals or as a nation) to self-defense when physically attacked.

Alex en la universidad

Last night, I took Alex with me to teach my Spanish class at the community college.  We are working on prepositions of place, words like "close to", "behind", "beside" etc.  I have a couple of fun games to practice those words and last night, I added Alex to the mix.  Alex stood next to my beautiful stick drawings on the board and students answered the question, "Where's Alex?" by saying things like "al lado de Pedro" & "lejos de Ester".  After that, Alex sat down and learned about the difference between "ser" and "estar".  He is such a smart little guy that he caught on right away.

My students liked Alex so much that they want to make him some new clothes.  I thought that was a good idea and offered them a few points extra credit if they make him something and label it correctly in Spanish.  I'm hoping for a bathing suit, a cowboy hat and maybe some boots.  I can't post the pictures I took of Alex with the class but we got some good ones and they will be going back to Virginia with him in May.

Looking Ahead

Yesterday, Ella went forward-facing in her car seat for the first time.  She doesn't quite meet the weight requirement but we decided to take the plunge anyway because she's getting so long, her legs curl up on her in her other seat.  I always love it when babies look forward for the first time.  There's a look of wonder at the whole new world in front of them.  I kept looking back at Ella who looked like such a big girl it made my heart hurt.

Flat Alex

At the end of last week, we got a special delivery in the mail.  It was our nephew Alex who has come to visit us for a few weeks.  Alex's first grade class at All Saints Catholic School read the book Flat Stanley by Jeff Brown.  In the story, a bulletin board fell on Stanley while he slept and he became 1/2 inch thick.  He wanted to go on a trip so his family folded him up and mailed him to California.  I can't wait to get the book and read the rest of the story.  In the meantime, we have flat Alex at our house.  I told his mom yesterday that he is having fun but thinks it's yucky being in a house full of girls even if one of them is his twin!  He misses World of War Craft and Rock Band but is having fun playing with his Uncle Chris who--miracle of miracles--has not injured him yet!  I have asked him to help out in my Spanish class on Thursday and next week, cousins, Brendan, Ryan, Lauren and Sean arrive.  YAH--more boys to play with!!  

Alex is a little worried that we won't let him go back home and we might not.  We need some boy blood around here and I already made him his own personalized picture frame to match the girls'.  

Our brag wall

Mia's Big Day

The birthday girl and our special visitor

Seven years ago today, we met our sweet Amelia Rose.  At dinner this evening, Chris told the story of the day she was born and in a lot of ways, it feels like yesterday.  

We had a wonderful 7th birthday party.  Mia had requested lasagna and of course, birthday cake.  My mom made another castle cake.  This one was a little simpler than Sophie's but just as pretty.  

Mia's first gift was the DVD I made her.  It's 13 minutes of music and pictures and is pretty basic but Mia really liked it (and I'm happy to finally have a completed video project!)  Mia also liked the new Ugly Doll that Barbara gave her and the gifts from her sisters, mostly build-a-bear clothes and accessories.  From us, she got inline skates.  She tried them out tonight and did well--no falls yet.  

Another fun family birthday.  We're all looking forward to Mia's big bash this weekend!

Mia showed off her rosary coloring book

"Play Me"

Look at that blaze!

A castle for a princess

Hugging "OX"--Mia has the same Ugly Doll as me but in a different color

Three Doyles

Opening her skates

Suiting up

Such a big girl

"Quick--do a monster face!"

"Now a princess face!"

Grandma & Grandpa Doyle and Mia

Mia and Grandma and Paka

Sophie, the party animal, with her Paka

Wet and Wild

Friday was the first day of spring and today, the Doyle pool opened for the season.  The girls have been lobbying for me to get their little pool out for weeks but I've encouraged them to wait till it warmed up just a little more.  This afternoon, Daddy gave in and filled the pool.  He put it at the bottom of the slide and the girls had their very own water slide.  Seeing them play, it's hard to believe that two of them were down for the count yesterday.  Hopefully their little swim doesn't set them back at all.  

Jack and Barbara came over and all of us were outside playing bean bags, boche ball and around the world.  I can just smell summer and can't wait for it to get here!

The main (and only) attraction at the Doyle water park

Splash!

Bathing Beauty

Sick

It's March Madness and poor Chris is under the Ella

After three long days, I picked my computer up this afternoon from the Apple geniuses in the Woodlands.  The amazing thing?  I left with my slideshow burned onto ten DVDs exactly the way I'd wanted it.  It took them three brainstorming sessions to figure out how to export it before they could burn the DVDs but I'm okay with that because my birthday surprise for Mia will happen on Monday as planned.

I have missed blogging but wouldn't have had much to say other than that we are a house of contagion.  I was diagnosed with strep throat on Wednesday morning but after two rounds of the antibiotic, felt back to normal.  Mia and Sophie were the next to fall.  I took them in today.  They both tested positive for strep and Sophie actually has scarlet fever which is a particular strain of strep that, if left untreated, can lead to heart and kidney problems.  Thank God for antibiotics.  I can't imagine getting that news 100 years ago.  Today, I felt no alarm at all knowing that a trip to CVS would provide us with everything we need to fight back.  Sophie was a sweet patient.  She threw her arms around my neck and told me "I love you, Mommy" three or four times today.  Since I'm still on my own medicine, I had no problem putting my face right in hers and hugging her back.

Madeleine, Chris, Ella and my parents are okay so far.  Grace was sick earlier in the week but is apparently tougher than the germs because she was back at it in less than 24 hours.  The doctor recommended that we quarentine Mia and Sophie and that worked for about two hours.  I suspect that Madeleine will succumb to the sickness on Monday just in time to not return to school after spring break!

Is Grace sick?  You tell us.

A little bit of Grace

I love my sister!

For awhile, Ella wanted nothing to do with Grace.  Grace loves Ella and would try to pick her up but Ella would scream and turn to me with that look in her eyes that said "Mommy, help!"  Lately though, Ella has started to trust Grace and obviously associates her interactions with her big sister with pleasure rather than pain.  Now when Grace takes her from me, Ella laughs knowing that Grace will tickle her, blow on her tummy or spin her around.  Onlookers still watch with horror as Grace wobbles around with Ella but I am confident that she will take good care of her little sister.

Blowing on her tummy

Let's see if I can bend her this way

(Ella actually enjoyed this)

Seabrook Half Marathon Relay

So-- the results are in.  Chris and I finished 6th out of 37 relay teams in Seabrook on Saturday.  Our time was 1:54:16.  I ran my half in 1:05:40 and Chris ran his in 48 and change.  We broke our overall goal of two hours but I missed my individual goal by 40 seconds.  If only I could have hired a dog to chase me at the end!

Given the course, Chris counts my time as a goal met.  I am calling it the all-terrain race.  We ran on concrete, a sand/gravel path, two wet, wooden, very slippery bridges, across a grass field and through a muddy swamp area.  The race was an out and back so we were running single file on the path most of the time which made it difficult to pass.  All excuses I know.  I will be training harder for my next race.

My personal debate before this race was whether or not to run with my ipod.  I had never used it during a race before and I have this image of hard core runners--they don't run with ipods.  When I asked my sister Tara though, she said that was silly and she definitely voted for the ipod.  Since it was a long race, I took her advice.  Chris made me a surprise race day mix.  OAR's "Hey Girl" made me pick up my pace a bit and I smiled when I heard "Brickhouse" by the Commodores because that's Baby G's theme song--don't ask--and I could just picture her while I ran.

The hardest thing about Saturday for me was the temperature.  It was 38 degrees and windy.  About two years into living in Texas, I became a big baby about the cold.  At the race, I was fine while I was running but before and after, I was pretty miserable.  I was glad we had decided to bring only Mia and Madeleine with us.

Madeleine was our photographer for the day and she did a good job.  Mia, despite her mom's allegations of not being a morning person, woke up at 5:00 A.M. happy and ready to go.  Chris and I enjoyed our day of being parents of two but were glad to get back to the rest of the gang later on.

I can smell the finish but still can't see it

I finished ahead of the woman in yellow.  She had passed me several times during the race so I set a mini-goal of crossing the line before her.

Mia holds out a hand to high five her Daddy

Chris was tearing it up.  He came in well before I expected him.

Dos (bedraggled) Jayhawks

A post-race lunch

Our tired Madeleine took a few naps before we headed off to a nice dinner with friends

Happy Birthday to you, Father Peffley

The heart that loves is always young.

Greek Proverb

On March 16th not so long ago, a little boy was born in Norristown, PA to William and Mary Peffley.  They named him Francis after the founder of The Legion of Mary, Frank Duff.  Chris and I know him as Father Peffley and he married us in July of 2000.  We met Father Peffley because he was assigned to St. Louis Catholic Church in Alexandria, VA, my home parish growing up.  Coincidentally, just before our wedding, he was transferred to our new church--St. Mary's in Fredericksburg so we had a year or two more of dinners and get-togethers with him. Fr. Peffley is a cheerful, friendly priest who gives easy-to-remember homilies, preaches the truth, is a master at remembering names and birthdays, does a great job of introducing his parishioners to each other, can juggle firetorches and sabres and squeezes more into one day than most people do in a week.  He is currently the pastor of Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Bristow, VA--home parish of my brother David and his family.

Father Peffley says this about his vocation:

"I believe my vocation was formed in three ways:

*The example and inspiration which I received from my family.

*The spiritual and academic formation that I received at Christendom College and

*My involvement in The Legion of Mary"

In honor of his birthday this year, we are giving away four copies of the rosary CD that Father Peffley produced with Irish tenor Mark Forrest and his wife.  It's excellent.  If you'd like to order one for your family, go here:           

http://www.aquinasandmore.com/index.cfm/title/Through-The-Eyes-Of-His-Mother/FuseAction/store.ItemDetails/SKU/8256

or

http://www.ignatius.com/ViewProduct.aspx?SID=1&Product_ID=2215&SKU=TEHM-D&Category_ID=147

Father Peffley has a website with all kinds of information about the faith.  To visit it, go here: 

http://www.transporter.com/FatherPeffley/index.html

Please join us today in praying for Father Peffley and the work God has given him.  

We love you, Father Peffley!  May God shower you with blessings in this new year of life!  (We'll see you in July!)

Fr. Peffley celebrated our wedding...

Chris still remembers the joke from the homily.

Madeleine (Age 4 or 5) with Fr. Peffley

She has a picture of him and her in her locker at school.

When we first arrived in Beaumont, TX,  Fr. Peffley called us to say he'd be in Houston giving a talk to The Legion of Mary.  We left our unpacking to hear him speak and go out to dinner.

Fr. Peffley with Mia and Baby Grace 2004

Summer 2006 with Mia and Madeleine

October 2008 Fr. Peffley meets Doyle Baby #5

Surprise!

"I'll never be the woman with the perfect hair 

who can wear white and not spill on it."

Miranda Noll

Hello Abby and welcome to your online surprise party!  I know you thought that knit hat with the hearts was your gift.  Actually, it's this--a gathering of your family and friends to wish you many happy returns on this special day!  

Good--I see you're in party attire, drink in hand and ready to go.  (Party attendees--if you're reading this without a drink, stop immediately and go get one.  You will need it in a few minutes.)

I recently acquired a Fortune-Telling Birthday Book so I'll start this little shindig by reading you your fortune:

MARCH 13 "Let the success of your many ambitions make you happy and forget your past failures.  Study yourself and develop all your latent talents.  You make friends easily and have many loyal and true ones."

Hmmm...interesting...I know that the second part is especially accurate given the mingling I've done with your honored party guests over the past few days.

The main act for this evening is a panel discussion entitled "The Abby We Know and Love".  

The honored guests are (as described by Kevin Doyle):

Steph:  one of Abby's best friends from high school; lives in Overland Park; Likes Monty Python movies; could use a little less Sponge Bob in her life.

Jayci:  another of Abby's best friends from high school; lives in Fort Scott; can tell you anything that happened in the Uniontown area in the past 31 years (seriously, even when they were tiny babies); biggest Beatles fan this side of the Mississippi.

Kristen:  Cerner workmate; carrying a mini-Lemon around in her tummy for another three months; can fake laugh so well that only well-trained experts can catch her.

Kenny:  Abby's older brother; works culinary magic as a chef; currently working and living in Santiago, Chile; can stroke a golf ball so beautifully it almost makes you cry.

Kelly:  Abby's big sis'; lives in Shawnee; understands the importance of a fine glass of wine at the end of the day; master of fun for the extended family.

Scott:  married to Kelly; still loves Ratt, Motley Crue and Dokken; master of pond construction; thinks Shawnee might be the greatest place on earth; great guy to have a beer with but then he'll give you a beat down on the foosball table.

Miranda:  Abby's little sis'; lives in KC; planning to become a nurse; would rather be at a rock concert; the undisputed master of cool; possibly the most fashionable person in the midwest (definitely the best-dressed person here).

Jack and Barbara:  Abby's in-laws; living in Houston; semi-retired, living the good life and loving their two beloved dogs and six granddaughters.

Madeleine: Abby's 14-year-old niece.  Loves her Uncle Kevin and attributes her dancing talent to him.  You may remember her for her cowboy lasso solo dance at Kevin and Abby's wedding. 

Linda:  Abby's Mum (that's British for Mom); lives in Uniontown; purveyor of fine antiques; amazing cook; unlimited knowledge about anything and everything and shares with Alice an appreciation of tulle (those bows at the wedding were amazing).

Kevin:  Abby's loving husband; could've starred in Footloose; has a bigger heart than most; wants his lovely wife to push play on the stereo so she can find out what amazing gig she's going to see in a couple of weeks as her birthday gift.

Alice and Chris: Kevin's big bro' and sister-in-law and hosts of this surprise party.  We want to say a big thank you to all of our honored guests for your help and creativity!  

As our opening act, I, Alice, will make a short toast.  There are a lot of things I appreciate about you,  Abby, a few of which will come later.  Just to mention a couple though:

*I love that you love children.  I will never forget the time Chris and I played the April Fool's joke about me being pregnant (not funny).  I thought we might have to call 911 for a couple of people in the room but you responded immediately with a "congratulations!"  Thank you!

*I admire your attitude of  gratitude.  I never hear you complain and I get a sense that you like what you have and don't worry about what others have.  Very impressive.

*Finally, you live the slogan "just do it".  I never see you sit back and let others do the heavy lifting.  Whether it's fixing a VCR, driving on the wrong side of the road, assembling furniture or carving a Thanksgiving turkey, you're the go-to girl which is exactly what I hope my girls grow up to be.

So raise your glasses please.  To Abby, the kid- loving, thankful, go-to girl.  Happy Birthday!

On to the main act.  For this part of our party, Chris wrote ten fill-in-the-blank sentences that your friends and family filled in for us.  I chose some of their answers.  The rest I'll have in an envelope for you when you get here in May.  Here it is: 

"The Abby We Know and Love":

#1  When I see a ______________, I think of Abby because _____________.

Kelly:  Schwan's truck...she ate so much of their ice cream growing up.

Kristen:  chocolate chip cookie ....she is the chocolate chip cookie queen.

Steph: Dr. Pepper and Reese's...it's her classic lunchtime favorite.

Kevin:  dessert menu...she loves dessert and loves to browse the selections.  She's like a cat trying to choose in which sun beam it will take a nap.

(I'm sensing a dessert theme here)

Linda:  yoga student in "dancer" position...she does that pose beautifully.

#2  If I could arrange a luncheon with Abby and any other person, I would choose _________________ because _____________________.

Kenny:  Our grandmother Sue...we didn't spend enough time together.

Jayci:  Mrs. Gilliland...she would like to write down what she was wearing.

Miranda & Kevin: Dave Grohl...she could get me some beard grooming tips from him.

Jack & Barbara:  Dave Matthews...she's a big fan.

Linda:  Her Daddy...or he would be ticked off.

#3  If someone were to ask Abby for a book recommendation, she would say_______________.

Jayci:  Well, Kevin wrote this epic poem that is really good

Steph:  The Banana Republic Catalogue

Scott: No idea

Kelly:  Pride and Prejudice

Kenny & Kristen:  Harry Potter 

Kevin:  Cash by Johnny Cash

Linda:  "I haven't had time to read a book in a long time.  You'd better ask someone else."

#4  If Abby were to get a tattoo, it would be a ___________ on her ____________.

Kelly:  polka dot on her pinky toe so no one would know.

Madeleine:  a firedancer on her lower back (good answer--I hope this didn't give you any ideas, M!)

Jayci:  the #32 and "Thanks Coach Mason" on her massive bicep

Miranda & Kevin: a blank patch of skin on her nowhere.  Kevin said, "I tried to talk her into it--I never could so I just got a tattoo that was big enough for both of us".

Linda:  It would be a teachable moment.

#5  If I could get in a time machine with Abby, we would go:

Kevin:  Back to 1970 and score tickets to a Led Zeppelin gig in London at Royal Albert Hall.

Miranda:  to 1995...Easy living in 1995.

Kenny:  Back to Bethany Beach circa 1988.

Linda:  Forward to May 20th.

Jayci:  back to 1988 and not get into that argument about tag on the New Thing

Scott:  To Fort Scott in 1990 to meet her big sister.  I'd have to be a bit low profile as Kelly's boyfriend at the time would have killed me.

#6  My funniest memory of Abby is:

Steph:  that she was in bed at 11:07 P.M. on her 21st birthday.

Kelly:  The Crawl for Cancer in Westport.  She actually did some crawling.

Kristen:  crawling into bed with Cory and Tara in complete innocence.

Miranda:  when she used to sit on the diving board for half an hour before jumping in.

Madeleine: when she would race me to find the next hymnal page in church and always won.

Kevin:  when she did a sideways fish flop off the railing around the Lemon's pontoon boat down at the Ozark's.  It was a magical moment.  Remind me to tell you the story next time I see you.

#7  The title of Abby's biography should be:

Jayci:  I Got a Technical Foul in a High School Basketall Game because of my Horrible Temper: The shocking true story as ghost-written by Kevin Doyle.

Kelly:  The Graceful One

Miranda:  A Smart Lady Who is Prone to Falling Down

Kenny:  I Am my Mother's Daughter

Kevin:  I'd Rather be Sleeping In

Jack & Barbara:  Free to be You and Me

#8  For me,  Abby's theme song is:

Linda:  Beauty by Aeisha Woods

Kristen:  Any Dave Matthews song

Kelly:  Word Up by Cameo

Steph:  Let's Groove by EW & F

Alice: She Don't Tell Me To by Montgomery Gentry

Miranda:  Not performed by a country artist (oops!)

Kevin:  Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

#9  In honor of her birthday, I'll share my favorite quote with Abby.  It is:

Scott:  "Just think of how stupid the average person is and then realize that half of them are even stupider."  George Carlin

Jayci;  "When we lost Lennon, we lost life" Garin Williams

Steph:  "Are you from here?"

Kenny:  "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm hungry enough to eat six."  Yogi Berra

Jack & Barbara:  "You can pour my drink in the dark anytime."

Linda:  "What goes around comes around."

Alice:  "Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home.  Home!  And this is my room and you're all here.  And I'm not gonna' leave here ever, ever again because I love you all and, oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home!"  

#10  When Abby blows out her candles this year, she'll be wishing for ______________.

Miranda:  safe travels back to Kansas and a big plate of spaghetti

Scott:  Kansas sunshine

Steph:  Christmas with the Cosens, Halls and Clements

Jayci:  Redfield to be her hometown.

Kevin:  blessings on us as we start our next chapter of life

Linda: her next big adventure

Kenny:  A KU victory (rock chalk Jayhawk!)

To conclude our festivities, Kevin has a little toast.  

"Abby, my wish for you is that you stay as close to the edge as you can without going over.  Out on the edge you can see all kinds of things that you can't see from the center*.  Here's to living on the edge together in Kansas and here's to you!" 

*Kurt Vonnegut

Thank you all for coming.  And remember, don't drink and drive.

Growing up in Kansas: Kenny, Kelly, Abby and Miranda

Linda, Kelly, Miranda and Abby August 2, 2003

Ceci says, "Happy Birthday, Mommy"!

Before leaving, this guest wanted to say a word:

"I have so much to say but instead I just want to say um Happy Birthday 

to someone because it's her birthday see so um Happy Birthday to my friend Abby."