FRODO SEVEN : Surprise!

"I'll never be the woman with the perfect hair

who can wear white and not spill on it."

Miranda Noll

Hello Abby and welcome to your online surprise party! I know you thought that knit hat with the hearts was your gift. Actually, it's this--a gathering of your family and friends to wish you many happy returns on this special day!

Good--I see you're in party attire, drink in hand and ready to go. (Party attendees--if you're reading this without a drink, stop immediately and go get one. You will need it in a few minutes.)

I recently acquired a Fortune-Telling Birthday Book so I'll start this little shindig by reading you your fortune:

MARCH 13 "Let the success of your many ambitions make you happy and forget your past failures. Study yourself and develop all your latent talents. You make friends easily and have many loyal and true ones."

Hmmm...interesting...I know that the second part is especially accurate given the mingling I've done with your honored party guests over the past few days.

The main act for this evening is a panel discussion entitled "The Abby We Know and Love".

The honored guests are (as described by Kevin Doyle):

Steph: one of Abby's best friends from high school; lives in Overland Park; Likes Monty Python movies; could use a little less Sponge Bob in her life.

Jayci: another of Abby's best friends from high school; lives in Fort Scott; can tell you anything that happened in the Uniontown area in the past 31 years (seriously, even when they were tiny babies); biggest Beatles fan this side of the Mississippi.

Kristen: Cerner workmate; carrying a mini-Lemon around in her tummy for another three months; can fake laugh so well that only well-trained experts can catch her.

Kenny: Abby's older brother; works culinary magic as a chef; currently working and living in Santiago, Chile; can stroke a golf ball so beautifully it almost makes you cry.

Kelly: Abby's big sis'; lives in Shawnee; understands the importance of a fine glass of wine at the end of the day; master of fun for the extended family.

Scott: married to Kelly; still loves Ratt, Motley Crue and Dokken; master of pond construction; thinks Shawnee might be the greatest place on earth; great guy to have a beer with but then he'll give you a beat down on the foosball table.

Miranda: Abby's little sis'; lives in KC; planning to become a nurse; would rather be at a rock concert; the undisputed master of cool; possibly the most fashionable person in the midwest (definitely the best-dressed person here).

Jack and Barbara: Abby's in-laws; living in Houston; semi-retired, living the good life and loving their two beloved dogs and six granddaughters.

Madeleine: Abby's 14-year-old niece. Loves her Uncle Kevin and attributes her dancing talent to him. You may remember her for her cowboy lasso solo dance at Kevin and Abby's wedding.

Linda: Abby's Mum (that's British for Mom); lives in Uniontown; purveyor of fine antiques; amazing cook; unlimited knowledge about anything and everything and shares with Alice an appreciation of tulle (those bows at the wedding were amazing).

Kevin: Abby's loving husband; could've starred in Footloose; has a bigger heart than most; wants his lovely wife to push play on the stereo so she can find out what amazing gig she's going to see in a couple of weeks as her birthday gift.

Alice and Chris: Kevin's big bro' and sister-in-law and hosts of this surprise party. We want to say a big thank you to all of our honored guests for your help and creativity!

As our opening act, I, Alice, will make a short toast. There are a lot of things I appreciate about you, Abby, a few of which will come later. Just to mention a couple though:

*I love that you love children. I will never forget the time Chris and I played the April Fool's joke about me being pregnant (not funny). I thought we might have to call 911 for a couple of people in the room but you responded immediately with a "congratulations!" Thank you!

*I admire your attitude of gratitude. I never hear you complain and I get a sense that you like what you have and don't worry about what others have. Very impressive.

*Finally, you live the slogan "just do it". I never see you sit back and let others do the heavy lifting. Whether it's fixing a VCR, driving on the wrong side of the road, assembling furniture or carving a Thanksgiving turkey, you're the go-to girl which is exactly what I hope my girls grow up to be.

So raise your glasses please. To Abby, the kid- loving, thankful, go-to girl. Happy Birthday!

On to the main act. For this part of our party, Chris wrote ten fill-in-the-blank sentences that your friends and family filled in for us. I chose some of their answers. The rest I'll have in an envelope for you when you get here in May. Here it is:

"The Abby We Know and Love":

#1 When I see a ______________, I think of Abby because _____________.

Kelly: Schwan's truck...she ate so much of their ice cream growing up.

Kristen: chocolate chip cookie ....she is the chocolate chip cookie queen.

Steph: Dr. Pepper and Reese's...it's her classic lunchtime favorite.

Kevin: dessert menu...she loves dessert and loves to browse the selections. She's like a cat trying to choose in which sun beam it will take a nap.

(I'm sensing a dessert theme here)

Linda: yoga student in "dancer" position...she does that pose beautifully.

#2 If I could arrange a luncheon with Abby and any other person, I would choose _________________ because _____________________.

Kenny: Our grandmother Sue...we didn't spend enough time together.

Jayci: Mrs. Gilliland...she would like to write down what she was wearing.

Miranda & Kevin: Dave Grohl...she could get me some beard grooming tips from him.

Jack & Barbara: Dave Matthews...she's a big fan.

Linda: Her Daddy...or he would be ticked off.

#3 If someone were to ask Abby for a book recommendation, she would say_______________.

Jayci: Well, Kevin wrote this epic poem that is really good

Steph: The Banana Republic Catalogue

Scott: No idea

Kelly: Pride and Prejudice

Kenny & Kristen: Harry Potter

Kevin: Cash by Johnny Cash

Linda: "I haven't had time to read a book in a long time. You'd better ask someone else."

#4 If Abby were to get a tattoo, it would be a ___________ on her ____________.

Kelly: polka dot on her pinky toe so no one would know.

Madeleine: a firedancer on her lower back (good answer--I hope this didn't give you any ideas, M!)

Jayci: the #32 and "Thanks Coach Mason" on her massive bicep

Miranda & Kevin: a blank patch of skin on her nowhere. Kevin said, "I tried to talk her into it--I never could so I just got a tattoo that was big enough for both of us".

Linda: It would be a teachable moment.

#5 If I could get in a time machine with Abby, we would go:

Kevin: Back to 1970 and score tickets to a Led Zeppelin gig in London at Royal Albert Hall.

Miranda: to 1995...Easy living in 1995.

Kenny: Back to Bethany Beach circa 1988.

Linda: Forward to May 20th.

Jayci: back to 1988 and not get into that argument about tag on the New Thing

Scott: To Fort Scott in 1990 to meet her big sister. I'd have to be a bit low profile as Kelly's boyfriend at the time would have killed me.

#6 My funniest memory of Abby is:

Steph: that she was in bed at 11:07 P.M. on her 21st birthday.

Kelly: The Crawl for Cancer in Westport. She actually did some crawling.

Kristen: crawling into bed with Cory and Tara in complete innocence.

Miranda: when she used to sit on the diving board for half an hour before jumping in.

Madeleine: when she would race me to find the next hymnal page in church and always won.

Kevin: when she did a sideways fish flop off the railing around the Lemon's pontoon boat down at the Ozark's. It was a magical moment. Remind me to tell you the story next time I see you.

#7 The title of Abby's biography should be:

Jayci: I Got a Technical Foul in a High School Basketall Game because of my Horrible Temper: The shocking true story as ghost-written by Kevin Doyle.

Kelly: The Graceful One

Miranda: A Smart Lady Who is Prone to Falling Down

Kenny: I Am my Mother's Daughter

Kevin: I'd Rather be Sleeping In

Jack & Barbara: Free to be You and Me

#8 For me, Abby's theme song is:

Linda: Beauty by Aeisha Woods

Kristen: Any Dave Matthews song

Kelly: Word Up by Cameo

Steph: Let's Groove by EW & F

Alice: She Don't Tell Me To by Montgomery Gentry

Miranda: Not performed by a country artist (oops!)

Kevin: Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

#9 In honor of her birthday, I'll share my favorite quote with Abby. It is:

Scott: "Just think of how stupid the average person is and then realize that half of them are even stupider." George Carlin

Jayci; "When we lost Lennon, we lost life" Garin Williams

Steph: "Are you from here?"

Kenny: "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm hungry enough to eat six." Yogi Berra

Jack & Barbara: "You can pour my drink in the dark anytime."

Linda: "What goes around comes around."

Alice: "Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room and you're all here. And I'm not gonna' leave here ever, ever again because I love you all and, oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home!"

#10 When Abby blows out her candles this year, she'll be wishing for ______________.

Miranda: safe travels back to Kansas and a big plate of spaghetti

Scott: Kansas sunshine

Steph: Christmas with the Cosens, Halls and Clements

Jayci: Redfield to be her hometown.

Kevin: blessings on us as we start our next chapter of life

Linda: her next big adventure

Kenny: A KU victory (rock chalk Jayhawk!)

To conclude our festivities, Kevin has a little toast.

"Abby, my wish for you is that you stay as close to the edge as you can without going over. Out on the edge you can see all kinds of things that you can't see from the center*. Here's to living on the edge together in Kansas and here's to you!"

*Kurt Vonnegut

Thank you all for coming. And remember, don't drink and drive.