Dying to Live

Our Journal of Gratitude

It's Sunday and I have been giving a lot of thought to today's gospel reading.  One of the things (there are many) that I love about being Catholic is the fact that everywhere in the world, the same readings were read at Mass today.  So, if you are Catholic, you too heard from St. John about dying in order to live (John 12:20-33).  This is one of those paradoxes that I have talked about before on this blog.  I love them in literature but more so when it comes to the faith.  Jesus' words in today's gospel refer to His coming death and resurrection.  They remind us of the fact that, because of Adam's sin, we too must die before obtaining eternal life.  In that sense, I think Jesus' words are literal but we can't stop there.  He is not only talking to His followers about some future death but about dying to self in this present moment.  

What does it mean to die to self?  I think there are a lot of answers to that question--all of them difficult.  I'll just mention one that I've been reflecting on because of things going on in my life right now and that is, giving up the right to be right.  Or, to quote St. Francis, the right to "be understood".  I think most people want to be understood, considered--loved--and when others do things that indicate a lack of understanding or consideration, feelings are hurt.  I know that as long as we are on this side of heaven, hurt feelings will be a part of life.  We are fallen, fallible people.  We may cry out, "I have a right to feel hurt, be angry--whatever" and that is true.  Feelings are feelings.  Mostly, they happen to us but, we choose our response.  (If you doubt that truth, read the story of Victor Frankl, survivor of the Holocaust).  No one has the right to fight fire with fire, lash out--either actively or passively--or in any way destroy another person*.  Jesus showed us how we should respond to attacks on ourselves if we are to be His disciples.  "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."  If we choose to do otherwise, whatever the reason, we are like those Jesus referred to who will cry "Lord, Lord" at the last judgement.  He will not know them because they did not do His father's will (Matthew 7:21).

So what do we do when we are feeling attacked, disregarded or unloved?  What do we do when we know we're right?  I don't think it's enough to say that we won't lash out, fight back or defend ourselves.  I am reminded of the parable where the woman swept her house clean after evil spirits were driven out.  It was so clean that many more evil spirits moved in (Luke 11:24-26).  It is important to actively fill up with goodness.  We must arm ourselves for the fight against self-love and I think a good weapon to start with is gratitude.  I have a sister-in-law who constantly practices an attitude of gratitude.  With her, it is not about how much others have but about what she has and is grateful for.  It would be hard to hate a person while listing in your mind all of the things you are grateful for about him or praying to God in thanksgiving for the gift of him.  

This week, Chris and I are starting a family journal of gratitude.  At our evening prayer time, we will be writing down what each member of our family is thankful for.  We are hoping to teach our kids--and ourselves-- to thank God for each other and for our family and to cherish it.  We want to put the focus on Him rather than on ourselves.  I'll let you know how it goes.

*I am not talking about our legitimate right (as individuals or as a nation) to self-defense when physically attacked.