Life is racing by at the speed of light. The older the girls get, the faster it goes and the farther behind I feel. The feeling of time slipping through my hands is one of those cliché experiences of the human race. We all feel like we don't have enough because....we don't. And we can't buy more. If we could, Steve Jobs would surely still be in a conference room of Apple doing his thing.
Being a blogger, I experience time flying by on another level in that I simply cannot capture all of the moments and memories worth capturing. I often find myself composing in my head. I find myself saying an absent-minded "And also with you" at Mass because my Catholic autopilot function has not been updated. I'm ashamed to admit that I compose some really great blog posts in Mass. They tend to be about God so I suppose you could say I'm not completely off task.
Today's post is an update post designed to tell you a bit about all of the "hers" that make my life so amazing--and so pink!
About Her (Madeleine, 16): Madeleine is learning to drive. I do not especially like to ride with her because it makes me seriously nervous. I know my trepidation hurts M's feelings and, truth be told, she really is a careful driver who, incredibly, is able to repeat verbatim everything she learned in Driver's Ed. Come to think of it, she's probably a better driver than I am, you know, not turning into the outside lane, not driving one-handed or failing to notice the speed limit. Let's just call this a growth area for both of us.Madeleine has become a very good piano player. She plays two songs that I especially love--Princess Leia's Theme and Lullabye by Billy Joel. That second one makes my heart melt every time.
It often happens that Madeleine will respond to something I say with, "That's not nice!" To which I say, "I am not nice! When did I ever say that I was nice?" I find it quite amusing as does she (most of the time). Of course, I do have a gigantic magnet on the fridge that says, "Be Nice or Leave" so I suppose I'm promoting a double standard. Given my status as head cook, maid, waitress, teacher and chauffeur, I'd say it's only fair. Being nice on top of all that seems a bit much to ask.
A few times lately, I've looked at Madeleine and noticed how absolutely beautiful she is. Yes, I'm her mother and would think she was beautiful no matter what but objectively, Madeleine is a beautiful girl. In fact, she's a lot like the girl in the Sammy Kershaw song about whom he says, "She don't know she's beautiful".
About Her (Mia, 9): It's funny--until this fall, I would have always said that Mia is the daughter least like me. She's quiet and reserved and looks like an indian princess. She auditioned for a play recently though and in preparing her song was very much like her mama. Her gestures were broad and dramatic and her voice was strong without a trace of self-consciousness. If her song had been "Tomorrow", she could have passed for a little Alice. It touched my heart.
My favorite Mia memory of late though was the night she asked me to lie with her. Mia is a bit of a contradiction in that she is very sweet and even empathetic with me but she tends to push me away, wipe off kisses and get upset if we hug her too hard or too much. So, it surprised me that she wanted me to cuddle up with her. I did, reluctantly, because I was very tired and knew that lying down would probably sabotage any plans to do anything else that evening. As we lay there in the dark, not far from where Grace was lying, already asleep with a blindfold across her eyes to block out the light, Mia told me stories. They were little episodes from the book she's reading--the Mandie series. It was so soothing to lay there with my eyes closed and listen to my baby baby me. I won't soon forget it. And yes, I did fall asleep.
About Her (Grace, 7): Chris has often referred to our third dame as a puppy. It's a remarkably good comparison. Grace is eager, loses focus easily and can cause quite a bit of mess and commotion for someone her size. She is also extremely lovable and has no trouble making friends. She has great ideas, good handwriting and is an impressive artist. She frustrates Miss Lita, her piano teacher, because she insists on playing by ear rather than reading the notes. She frustrates her mama because she cannot stay on task. Still, Grace has a huge heart. For all of her rough and tumble exterior, she is tender with the ones she loves. Right now, I am probably number one on that list or maybe a close second to Ella. I consider it a huge privilege and it truly helps me to see past some of the bad behavior I have to deal with daily. Tonight, I caught Grace eating butter straight off the stick. Her namesake, my grandma, Margaret Grace Schneider, once ate a whole stick. YUCK! There's no doubt about it, our Maggie G is a chip off many great blocks.
About Her (Ella, 3): Ella will be four soon. Say it isn't so! You know, if her sisters were in school, Ella and I would be the best buddies around, spending lots of quality time together. As it is, I always seem to postpone time with Ella to "do school" with the others. I suppose there's just more pressure in that direction. I hope I don't look back with regret but more Ella time is one of my resolutions for 2012.The word I most associate with Ella is "delightful". She is. She is a cuddler and a helper and a smart little conversationalist. She amazes me. She wants a dog. Named Chaucer. She also wants to marry Justin Bieber. She has a fascination with kissing on the lips. Not sure why.
I'm pretty sure that when God was giving out butts, Ella was busy somewhere else because she can't keep her pants up unless they are teeny weeny. And another thing--I really love Ella's name. It is beautiful and perfect and it fits her. I think if we have another girl, we may just name her Ella too.
And last but not least...
About Me: At 41, I am still learning things about myself that I think I probably should have noticed a long time ago. Obviously, I am not as quick a learner as I'd like to believe. I am definitely the absent-minded professor with my thoughts on everything but the situation at hand which is why my kids sometimes have to call my name three times before I realize they're in the room. I deal much better with life in general when I have structure. Clearly, the life of a stay at home mom is less structured than say, the life of a full time teacher. I struggle with both staying at home and home schooling for that reason more than any other.
I realized recently that I may have misidentified my love language. I always thought it was quality time but I'm pretty sure it's actually words of affirmation. I don't do very well when I assume things about how people think and feel about me. I do better when it's spelled out clearly, preferably in large letters on a scoreboard (that was for Chris :)
I hope you've enjoyed our little post-semester review. I know I did.
PS
Chris has brought back this form of communication recently. I think I'm supposed to be the moose.
