Robin Williams

I can't stop thinking about Robin Williams today.  If you had asked me recently if I am a fan, I may have answered, "not particularly."  In fact, the only celebrities I've ever been "mad" about are George Reeves and Linda Carter, to whom I wrote my one and only fan letter when I was my daughter Grace's age.  But I liked Robin Williams and I love the Genie.
Huffington Post published what they thought was the saddest tweet about Robin Williams' death, a picture of Aladdin hugging the Genie with the caption, "Genie. You're Free."  The saddest thing I read though was a quote in one of the many articles by someone who knew him personally.  "Robin was always in character.  I never really knew the real him."
As with any big news like this, there is a lot of anger circulating.  People angry at Williams for ending his own life have called him a coward and suicide itself selfish.  People angry at those comments respond with accusations of insensitivity and, in many cases, strings of obscenities.  Many messages have been sent about loving Robin Williams and hoping he RIP.
I can say in complete honesty that I know the hell it is to experience the kind of despair that would cause a person to do what RW did yesterday.  What a horrible place to be.  And horrified is probably what I feel most today thinking about that sad man preparing to hang himself.  What a lonely moment.  What a sad and lonely room.  I pray that he was not in his right mind and "knew not what he did."  I want to believe that Robin Williams is smiling and at peace now but I do not believe that death is an automatic pass to a greener pasture so I feel the need to pray.  That is for the man who died.
For the rest of us, I think it is important to remember two things.  First--when we talk about "loving" a celebrity, we do not really know what we are saying.  True love is personal.  I am sure that in the course of his career, Robin Williams felt the adoration of his fans many times over.  But adoration is not love and the "love" that americans feel for our celebrities is both conditional and self-serving, offered in exchange for performances and, in the case of Robin Williams, much laughter.  Celebrities have money and prestige but little privacy which, in Williams case, appeared to result in being constantly "on", the funny guy, having little space to be real.  Love is real.
So when I read that Robin Williams was much loved, I wonder.  Besides being real, true love involves sacrifice.  I have experienced this in my own life, which has been literally transformed by the sacrificial love of my husband.  Again, this is a personal, private, daily thing, not something fans can offer an idol.
I am not saying that Robin Williams was not loved personally or sacrificially.  I don't know.  Those of us on the outside looking in cannot know.  I understand that his depression took him to a horrible place but I know too that depression in and of itself does not kill.
Which leads me to my second point.  It is important to remember that the words we say in the face of this tragedy matter.  Not to Robin Williams whom we can no longer thank or offend but to us.  It is very important not to send mixed messages about suicide.  It is not our job to judge Robin Williams or the state of his soul by saying things like "you're an angel now, Robin" or "suicide is a one way ticket to hell". We have no way to prove anything one way or another about what happened to him after his death yesterday morning.  It is dangerous to the still living however to suggest in any way that suicide is a reasonable solution to the problem of suffering with mental illness or anything else in life.  It is the worst possible outcome.
Also, for some reason, suicide is contagious.  Which is why it is very important to condemn not the man but most vehemently, the act.  I'm sure that statement will make some people mad but we don't always know which person in our lives is standing on the wall.  We need to help her down not offer the bit of sympathy she needs to jump.
The MASH theme not withstanding, suicide is not painless either in the now or the hereafter.  Today, many are in pain because of this suicide.  I will never see a picture of Robin Williams again without thinking that if he had held on one more day, things could have been different.  Because Hope always wins.